December 1999—the Sunday before Christmas—the first Christmas without him.
I was hanging up my clothes on his now empty side of the closet, and I was grieving the loss of it all.
I believe in fully experiencing the feelings that come and go, for they will come. Allow them, let yourself feel them for the purpose of what they’re intended—healing. Just determine you’re only going to allow them to stay for a short while, not take up residence.
So here I was, hanging up clothes and allowing myself to grieve. But I had to ask, am I grieving over the loss of what was, or what should have been? It’s a question you’ll ask yourself time and again for you’ll face this grief many times over. Just don’t let the enemy fool you into thinking it’s about missing what was. Face the reality head on and let God heal in you what wasn’t.
Though I grieve the failure of my marriage and subsequent divorce, I cannot deny the gifts that came, and continue to come, with it. The loss has shaken me, and my grip on the things of the past has been loosened. My hands are more open to receive whatever God wants to give me in it.
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